Big Brother, Kill It!
by KikiTwinTai
Summary: The Awataguchi are all brave warriors, fighting the monsters of the historical revisionists whenever called to battle. Sometimes, however, they are glad to leave the battle to others. This is one foe they just can't fight.


**A/N I have used female pronouns for Midare, if anyone would like me to change this, please PM or leave a review and I will do so. I hope you enjoy!**

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Ichigo was awakened by a scream. Sitting up suddenly, he listened for the direction of the sound.

Sure enough, a few seconds later he heard the padding of footsteps, coupled with muffled sobs. The door to his room slid open, revealing the sight of his little brothers, their faces pale with fright and tears.

"B-big brother," Akita whimpered, Gokotai clutching his hand.

Ichigo sat up straight, rubbing the sleep from his eyes. "What's wrong?" he asked gently.

Akita tried to spit the word out, his lips wobbling as he cried.

"Spider!" he burst out, his mouth trembling around the word.

Ichigo sighed. Rising to his feet, he held out a hand to each of them, and the two clung to his arms.

"Huge!" Akita sobbed out. "We were all asleep then Hirano woke up to go to the bathroom and when he opened the door he said he felt something fuzzy so he jumped back and he fell and it woke me up, and he just pointed at it but there wasn't anything there, so Yagen went and opened the door, and it's a full moon so we could see the floor and it's HUGE!"

His voice rose higher and higher as he sobbed, his breath coming in short pants. Sensing he wasn't going to be able to tell him any more, Ichigo settled for picking him up and holding him tightly, shushing him.

"And where is it now?" he asked Gokotai, seeing the boy slightly more able to respond.

"I-in the corner, I think," he stammered out, shaking. "We all woke up when Hirano screamed. Namazou tried to get a sandal and s-squish it but it moved! It went on the cover and we couldn't see it. Then Midare screamed because she said she felt it on her hair, and we couldn't see it. A-and Hakata says he wants to get a jar and keep it, but we can't see it and we don't know where it is but it's somewhere there and we can't go back in!"

His eyes were bright with tears, and he twisted his hands together to try and keep from shaking. Against his shoulder, Akita was still crying softly, clutching Ichigo's shoulder tightly.

"Come on then," Ichigo sighed, resigned.

Gokotai shook his head, terrified. "I don't want to go back!" he cried. "It's still there!"

Ichigo resisted the urge to roll his eyes. What had the kids done before he got here, he wondered?

Saying nothing, he placed Akita back down, allowing him to grab hold of his shirt. They made their way along the corridor back to their bedroom.

The room was, to put it simply, in chaos. The rest of the awatagushi were huddled together in the corridor in various states of panic. Midare had her eyes shut tight, running her hands through her hair as if to convince herself that there was nothing there. Yagen was soothingly rubbing her back, although he looked rather bored with the situation.

Maeno and Hirano were clutching each other and staring fearfully into the corner, watching, too scared to move.

He let his eyes wander around the room until they finally landed on the blasted arachnid.

It was, to be fair, a rather large specimen. It would probably fit quite comfortably on the handle of his sword, or perhaps the sake bowl Jiroutachi was rarely seen without. It was the sort with a large body and rather terrifyingly long legs. A scuttler, then. No wonder the children had been so scared.

Ichigo fought down his own shudder of revulsion.

As if sensing the presence of a newcomer, the spider turned its' hairy body towards him. He could almost see the eight eyes staring at him, taking his measure.

Too late, he realised that he didn't actually have a weapon to hand. One of Imanotsurugi's sandals lay on the floor near it, obviously having been thrown in an attempt to defeat it, but had clearly missed.

Ichigo sighed.

"Ok, everyone out," he ordered.

The children turned at the sound of their brother's voice, hurrying towards him.

"Brother!"

"Big brother, you're here!"

"Big brother, kill it, _please_!"

Again, he had to wonder. The tantous were all skilled warriors and had no problem taking down the hulking monsters of the historical revisionists, each many times their size. And yet they came running to him for something as small as this, immediately reverting to the children they appeared to be.

As if on cue, it suddenly moved, scuttling across the floor towards him almost purposefully. The tantous let out a unified scream, fleeing out onto the veranda and hiding behind him.

The screams had alerted the rest of the citadel, and the others began to appear to see what on earth the noise was about. As usual, Hasebe was one of the first to arrive, his expression displeased.

"What on earth is all this yelling about?" he asked, annoyed. "The citadel is quite clearly not under attack, so there should be no reason for such a commotion."

"W-we're sorry, Hasebe," Gokotai stuttered. "B-but there's a huge spider in our room, and…" he trailed off, seeing Hasebe's face turned even more annoyed.

"Is that it?" the self-styled leader asked, his brows drawn together.

"I'm sorry," Gokotai pleaded, his eyes shining with tears again. "We didn't mean to wake everyone up, but it's really big and we can't catch it and every time we try to get it it moves and-

"Ohmygod!" a voice yelled. They whirled round to see Yasusada clutching tightly onto Kashuu's sleeve, his eyes wide with fear.

"Why did you have to investigate?" he moaned to the other. "That thing is freaking _huge_!"

He turned sharply, tugging Kashuu's sleeve. "I'm going back. I can't watch this. Someone tell me when it's dead!" He ran back to their shared bedroom, his face pale. Kashuu hesitated a second, staring into the room, then, seeing it move, jumped back sharply and ran after his partner.

"Wonderful," Hasebe commented acidly. "The first to arrive in the citadel and he flees at the sight of such a tiny creature. What _would_ Souji think."

Ichigo had no answer to that. He was saved from trying to find one by the sight of Sayo arriving with his brothers, a look of vague concern on his normally apathetic face. Iwatooshi followed behind them, along with the rest of the adults. Seeing him, Imanotsurugi ran across the wood and launched himself into the man's arms.

"There's a _huge_ spider in our room!" he announced. Iwatooshi simply nodded, slightly winded from the boy's attack.

"Oh. Is that it?" Kotetsu asked. "In that case, you really shouldn't have woken us. We need our beauty sleep, you know."

"Don't be mean, Kotetsu," Kanesada said. "Are you ok?" he asked the tantous. "None of you have been bitten, or hurt?"

Hirano looked horrified at the suggestion. "They can _bite_?" he squeaked. He pushed his sleeves up and rubbed his arms and legs, Maeno mirroring him.

"You'd know if you had been. In any case, we'll have to wash your bedding tomorrow to make sure it hasn't laid any eggs. I guess I'll just have to add that to the list of chores tomorrow." He smiled at the two, showing he wasn't annoyed with them.

"Will someone _please_ just deal with the situation?" Hasebe implored.

Ichigo shot him a glare. "You want to be our leader so badly, you do it," he shot.

"You're their older brother, it should be _your_ duty," he fired back. The two crossed their arms and glared at each other, both trying not to back down.

Seeing that nothing was likely to happen, Mitsutada motioned to the others. "It's fine, guys. The kids got spooked by a bug, that's all. Let's go and get more booze. If we find any in the kitchen, we'll just drown them in sake and throw them on the flames."

"Good idea!" Jiroutachi crowed. The group made their way back to the kitchen. Hasebe broke his staring contest to turn to them, his expression turning horrified.

"Just don't try to cook anything!" he ordered. "You know what happened last time. That tomato juice took forever to clean up."

Nikkari waved a hand at him lazily. "Will do, _boss_ ," he assured. Hasebe bristled at the obvious insult, but let it slide.

Well, excuse _me_ for wanting some order and cleanliness around this place!" he huffed.

His eyes fell on a figure approaching from the courtyard, and his mouth gaped open. Hurriedly, he stammered "M-master! I apologize deeply for having awoken you from your sleep, the children were simply making a commotion and- goodness, whatever is that you're holding?"

The master gave him an amused glance. "This?" They said. "This is what we use to deal with spiders where I come from. Stand back."

Hasebe obeyed wordlessly.

The master took hold of the object, whatever it was, carrying it to the front of the room. Behind them, Hakata held a large glass jar, turned upside down.

"Ready?" they asked.

Hakata nodded, his face eager. "So do I get to keep it?" he asked gleefully.

The master laughed. "Not this time, kiddo. If you want bugs so badly, we'll go bug hunting when it's warmer, ok? You can look for gold beetles and sell them online, alright?"

Hakata's eyes went wide at the suggestion, and he grinned widely. "Sure thing, master!" he cried.

"Good. Now, hold the jar over it, and when I say so, drop it, quickly."

Hakata tiptoed into the room, trying to move as soundlessly as possible. The spider had now made it's way across the floor and was slowly crawling up the wall, as if teasing them.

"Master? It's on the wall," he said. "Do I still put it in the jar?"

The Saniwa peeked into the room, their face falling when they saw it. "You can try, but it'll probably just jump at you. We need to make it fall." They looked around the room, their gaze landing on the sandal.

"Ahah. Hakata, if you can, put the jar down underneath the spider". The boy did so, moving slowly so as not to disturb it.

"That's it. Now make your way towards me, and pick up Imanotsurugi's sandal."

Understanding lit the boy's eyes. He did as commanded, taking a few steps back to stand by the Saniwa again.

"Right. Now watch _this_." Taking the sandal from Hakata, the Saniwa held it, gauging the size. Measuring the distance, they took careful aim, then drew their arm back. The sandal flew through the air, striking the spider full on and making it drop neatly into the jar.

Seeing the slight smear left on the wall, the Saniwa put their arm down. "Oops," they said. "Maybe I threw that a bit too hard. On the bright side, that _does_ make this easier."

Walking back to the door, they turned to the rest of the tantous.

"Good news, guys. The beast is dead!" they announced.

The children grinned, relieved.

"Thank goodness," Midare said. "There's no way I could have gone back in until it was."

"I-is it gone?" Gokotai asked tentatively.

"Not yet," the master replied. "I mean, it's in a jar and if the smear on the wall is anything to go by I'm pretty sure it's dead. But I'm gonna get rid of it now. Want to see how?"

"N-no thank you," he said politely.

"Ok. Those that do, watch this." The master went back to the strange object, dragging it across the floor. A long rope trailed out of one end, stretching all the way across the courtyard and disappearing into their complex.

They pressed a button, and the machine whirred into life, making a strange, hollow noise. Picking up the long hose that stretched out of the other end, the Saniwa held it out until it touched the edge of the jar, lowering it in slowly.

The spider's body was sucked into the tube with an awful crunching sound, making everyone wince.

"Sorry!" they apologised. "Guess it was a bit too big for the hose." They kept the machine running for a few more seconds, then turned it off, lowering the hose to the ground.

The tantous stared at the Saniwa, their expression amazed.

"What _is_ that thing?" Kanesada said, incredulously. "Can it do that to anything?"

The master laughed, looking around at them all. "This is a vacuum. Everyone has one in my time. It's for cleaning. The hose works through suction, so it sucks up anything you put near it. We mostly use it for dust and dirt, but it works great for killing spiders too. Just make sure you keep it on for a few seconds after to make sure it goes into the bag."

"But, where on earth did you get it?" Hasebe inquired. "I've never seen such a device in the citadel before."

"I took it from home," they said. "It was a pain to drag the cable all the way here from my room, but man is that lead long!"

"But how does it work?" Hasebe pressed. "It must gain power from somewhere. Did you imbue it with spiritual energy?

The master burst out laughing at that. Hasebe looked affronted, but didn't dare to speak up. Trying to control their giggles, the Saniwa managed to stutter out, "Yeah, that's the issue. This place is great, but it has no power sockets anywhere. We have _got_ to fix that."

Feud forgotten, Hasebe and Ichigo exchanged a look, both equally confused.

"Don't worry, guys," the master said. "I'll explain it all in the morning. Now, I think you guys need to get some sleep, ok?" they turned to the tantous, who were beginning to yawn both with tiredness and the relief of dissipated fear.

"I'm guessing you're not going to want to stay here, though," they said.

As one, the children shook their heads.

"And I don't blame you. Go run to the laundry cupboard then. Grab all the spare bedding you can find. Don't touch yours. Kanesada was right, we should wash it all in case there's egg sacs or anything."

They nodded, running off to do as the Saniwa said.

"And you two," they continued, turning to the men. "Ichigo, I don't blame you for not killing it. That thing was, to put it mildly, freaking _huge_ , as Yasusada said. And Hasebe?"

"Yes, master?" he asked, a little apprehensively.

"Loosen up, would you? Those kids may be warriors and fighters, but they're still kids. And kids get scared of spiders. Don't yell at them for it. This isn't the first time they've freaked out about something and it certainly won't be the last. Everyone is scared of something, after all."

Ichigo caught on to the master's pale face, seeing the faintest hint of a tremor in their limbs.

"Master, are you scared of spiders?" he asked gently.

The Saniwa turned to him, smiling shakily. "Terrified of them, actually," they admitted, weakly.

"Then why would you…?" Ichigo trailed off, realising the answer even as he spoke.

The Saniwa smiled again. "Because they needed me to. No-one else was doing anything, so I had to. I'm your master, it's my duty to help you when you need it."

"We would have-" Hasebe started.

"But you didn't," they cut him off. "You all hoped someone else would take care of it. I don't expect the kids to, even though I know they're really hundreds of years old they look like little children and I can't help treating them as such, especially with what all of you have gone through. I can't imagine what you've seen going throughout history, and I can't help that, but I can help you now when you need me to. And I would ask that you do the same with each other, too."

Hasebe looked contrite, his face bowed in apology. "My humblest apologies, master," he expressed. "I see that I have been woefully inadequate in that matter."

"Don't be like that," the master replied. "If you don't like the kids, it's fine. Just be a bit more considerate in future, k?

"I shall endeavour to." Hasebe didn't look particularly eager at the prospect, but couldn't say no to his unswerving loyalty.

"Good. Now, who's ready for a sleepover!" the master yelled, seeing the tantous returning with piles of futons and blankets in their arms.

"Yeah!" they cheered, grinning.

The Saniwa grinned back at them, holding their hands out to gesture to their complex.

"Lead the way then, kiddos. Leave the vacuum there, we're only gonna need it tomorrow. As long as it doesn't rain, it'll be fine. Just don't trip over the cable."

"OK!"

Turning to the men, the master grinned at them. "Aren't you coming?" they asked.

Hasebe looked shocked. "W-we are allowed too?" he asked, incredulous.

"Well, _duh_ ," they replied, laughing. "Everyone is allowed. You are all my swords, so you're all welcome whenever you want. Now, go and get the others. Tomorrow, we clean. But tonight, we're gonna have ourselves a sleepover, citadel-style!"

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 **A/N so there we go. This came about because it is slowly starting to turn to spring here, and things are starting to appear in the house. I am severely arachnophobic, so I use the vacuum in any situation involving one and hold it as far away from me as possible, using the longest attachment possible. Luckily we don't get the really huge ones (long legs and hairy bodies, YUCK!) but we get little ones with tiny bodies and long legs instead, which is just as bad. Also luckily it is normally too cold here to get many even during summer, so I'm relatively safe. Touch wood.**

 **As to whether the citadel does in fact have a vacuum, I have only seen the anime, not played the game, so I don't know. However, while it shows them cleaning at least once per episode, they don't appear to have any technology (that freaky singing sunflower thing aside, that thing is we~ird) so I used a bit of artistic licence and imagined that they don't in fact have any machines, and would therefore be amazed at something so mundane as a vacuum. Also, they are all between two hundred and several millenia old, so most of them would be amazed by modern technology anyway. Goodness knows what the likes of Munechika and Kogarasumaru would think of it.**

 **Anyway, that's enough of a ramble. I hope you enjoyed this, and as always reviews would be amazing. Until next time!**


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